To All My Friends

To All My Friends

The CBSE mark list came out last Saturday and me and my friends ended up at school to collect them. We met up with the others who were also there to collect their mark lists. Afterwards we stood there in the canteen laughing, joking, messing around. Just like we had done so many times before. And standing there taking in the scene I was hit hard by this sense of surealness. That this was perhaps the last time. Here, like this. There was the hard edge of finality around the scene. We would never be like this again. Never again students in this school. Never again the friends, that stood in the canteen leaning on the counter, waiting for that bell that would send us back to the class.

The bell rang. The volleyball game got over. A new admission came into the canteen. Sparing barley a glance for us he quickly bought a juice and went away. Never looking back. It was his school now and we were merely wraiths in it. Occupying, briefly, some space before we disappeared completely. And I was acutely made aware once again that this was it, that this was the final goodbye. I was made aware of it by all the face which should have been there but weren't, by all the voices that said nothing, by all the empty spaces within our ranks.

As we slowly started departing, each one told the other 'Stay in touch man'. And we broke apart. After so many years together, after seeing those faces and features change and mature over the years, seeing each other day in and day out and taking each others presence for granted suddenly it was time to say goodbye. I wasn't ready. After all these years I wasn't ready. Not so quickly. Not so fast.

We were all given just a few moments. To bid adieu. And all the while as we said adieu what we really wanted to say was au revior. We didn't want to say goodbye, we wanted to say see you later. But we didn’t. And so, we stood there a few days removed from perhaps never seeing each other ever again. There was not a tear in sight, and as we collectively walked away from that school, which had provided such an admirable backdrop for most of our lives, none of us turned around for another look. We all just walked away. Leaving so many things between us unsaid. Hoping that they were understood. Hoping that the other guy understood what he meant to you. Hoping he realized what he had been for you. You didn’t look at the guy in the eye and tell him all this. That wasn’t the way it was done. Instead you just walked away. Never saying all those thing, leaving them there hanging, half understood.

We all make so many mistakes, don’t we?

*-=o0o=-*

I needed to get that off my chest. Its tough, you know.

In other news......

There are no sweeter words than "I told you so." (check my previous post) :D